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Dear K8: The Parent Trap
Greetings readers!
I have decided this week to address an issue that has surfaced in a few questions: the issue of parental support. It is no secret that acting is an unreliable profession, therefore making parents legitimately nervous when they hear their children say, “I want to be on Broadway!”
My own parents started hearing me make such claims as soon as I learned what Broadway was and, thankfully, gave their support and encouragement. However, it is perfectly understandable why many parents feel apprehensive about green-lighting this career choice. After all, they just want their kids to find stability, security and serenity – three things seldom found in the actor’s life.
For those of you who find yourself in the dicey waters of “future” negotiations, bear in mind that your parents are not being negative because they believe you’ll fail. It’s more likely that they’re just afraid you’ll fail. They’re worried you won’t be able to make a decent living – that you’ll be disappointed over and over again. The scary thing is, their fears are often realized. Very few actors succeed right off the bat. It takes years of tenacity and resilience to actually make a living as an actor.
Convincing a doubting parent (or parents) that you must heed the call of the bright lights and the big city is no small task. It’s important to respect their position and try not to view them as stubborn or closed-minded. If money is an issue (and it often is), try to come up with some sort of compromise: I’ll go to a liberal arts college and get a degree in Political Science if you let me enroll in the Williamstown Theater Festival Apprenticeship Program one summer. Or: Let me move to New York for two years. If I haven’t booked any acting jobs by the end of those two years, I’ll go back to school.
Ultimately, you have to follow your heart. You don’t want to look back on your life with regret, and my guess is your parents don’t want that for you either. It might take some time, but hopefully once they see the absolute joy that acting brings you, your parents will begin to understand that it’s not so much a choice as a necessity.
*To any parent who might be reading this: you have a unique relationship with your child, and I am not suggesting there is a magic formula to reaching an agreement over your child’s future. All I will say is this: there have been several moments during my career when I have been rejected, disillusioned, disenchanted and scared. Those moments would have been unbearable if I hadn’t been able to call my parents for encouragement. They are the ones who keep me going and, because of their unconditional support, the moments of celebration become so much greater. For every tearful phone call, there has been one that begins with me saying, “I got the part!” I just made one of those phone calls today. And jubilation ensued.
I have decided this week to address an issue that has surfaced in a few questions: the issue of parental support. It is no secret that acting is an unreliable profession, therefore making parents legitimately nervous when they hear their children say, “I want to be on Broadway!”
My own parents started hearing me make such claims as soon as I learned what Broadway was and, thankfully, gave their support and encouragement. However, it is perfectly understandable why many parents feel apprehensive about green-lighting this career choice. After all, they just want their kids to find stability, security and serenity – three things seldom found in the actor’s life.
For those of you who find yourself in the dicey waters of “future” negotiations, bear in mind that your parents are not being negative because they believe you’ll fail. It’s more likely that they’re just afraid you’ll fail. They’re worried you won’t be able to make a decent living – that you’ll be disappointed over and over again. The scary thing is, their fears are often realized. Very few actors succeed right off the bat. It takes years of tenacity and resilience to actually make a living as an actor.
Convincing a doubting parent (or parents) that you must heed the call of the bright lights and the big city is no small task. It’s important to respect their position and try not to view them as stubborn or closed-minded. If money is an issue (and it often is), try to come up with some sort of compromise: I’ll go to a liberal arts college and get a degree in Political Science if you let me enroll in the Williamstown Theater Festival Apprenticeship Program one summer. Or: Let me move to New York for two years. If I haven’t booked any acting jobs by the end of those two years, I’ll go back to school.
Ultimately, you have to follow your heart. You don’t want to look back on your life with regret, and my guess is your parents don’t want that for you either. It might take some time, but hopefully once they see the absolute joy that acting brings you, your parents will begin to understand that it’s not so much a choice as a necessity.
*To any parent who might be reading this: you have a unique relationship with your child, and I am not suggesting there is a magic formula to reaching an agreement over your child’s future. All I will say is this: there have been several moments during my career when I have been rejected, disillusioned, disenchanted and scared. Those moments would have been unbearable if I hadn’t been able to call my parents for encouragement. They are the ones who keep me going and, because of their unconditional support, the moments of celebration become so much greater. For every tearful phone call, there has been one that begins with me saying, “I got the part!” I just made one of those phone calls today. And jubilation ensued.
Comment
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Comment by Celina Carvajal on June 29, 2009 at 10:58am -
First of all... I miss you... second of all... I miss singing with you... third of all... I agree with your views but mostly I just miss your face!!! Okay on to the actual blog comment...
It's not often that parents will actually support the decision to go into the arts. Just gotta go out and get what you want even if your parents have a "plan" that they want you to follow. It's your life and if you do what makes you happy your parents will see that and jump on board.
Love you Kate!
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Comment by Becky Wright on June 26, 2009 at 10:51pm -
To Kate: What part did you get??
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Comment by Kasee Lautour on June 26, 2009 at 2:46pm -
I tell people I'm a theatre major going into acting and plan to audition for AMDA... I always get the whole, "Oh! That's cool..." While their eyes read "Why?!" So I just say I'm in theatre and I'm studying English.
Luckily, my parents have agreed that, if accepted to AMDA, I can attend the New York campus and they will help me pay for it so long as I get a job and pitch in. "Prove how badly you want this." It's progress, I suppose. Allie- Your parents will realize the more you keep at this in years to come, how you're serious about it. They'll eventually see that they have to let you follow your heart or you may end up miserable if you follow another path.
Thanks for the advice, Kate.
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Comment by Allie on June 26, 2009 at 9:48am -
I've been struggling with this issue lately too. My parents are both supportive of me (my mom more than my dad), but they both think it's a phase and that I'll grow out of it in a couple months. I feel like this is something I'll never grow out of, and something I'll do for the rest of my life. It's hard telling all my dad's business friends that I want to be a Broadway actress when I grow up, and watch a smug smile appear on their faces and say "Oh, that's nice." But I hope that if I stick with it, I'll be up on a Broadway stage someday.
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